Aadarsh – translates to “Ideal” and “Aadarsh Madhesi” is one who gives spasms of orgasms to ultra-nationalists! We provide a truck load of moral policies on what an Aadarsh Madhesi should eat, wear, look-like, and behave to re-affirm his/her nationalism towards Nepal. After all when it comes to “nationalism”: Looks Matter!
To all those people who believe that nationality should have a certain outlook, I have decided to do something that I generally do to such insinuations: Out-Ridicule them. So, here’s my take on “Aadarsh Madhesi”. Jingoists, be warned, further reading might cause few brain cells to commit suicide, and regenerate few new inclusive brain cells; which is not a bad bargain! So, here’s my ‘Aadarsh Madheshi 101’.
Who am I? The doppelgänger of Aadarsh Madhesi!
- An Aadarsh Madheshi is one who wears a Dhaka Topi anytime-anywhere. It is an indispensable accessory of an Aadarsh Madhesi. Other Nepalis can take liberty of digression but not an Aadarsh Madhesi. They should dutifully wear it like an armor so as to protect oneself from an ordinary Madhesi. One has to wear it from dawn to dusk, even during sleeping as you never know when viruses from ordinary Madhesis can infect an Aadarsh Madhesi. Moreover, the whole bullshit of the garb and its association with nationalism resides in the head, and one must protect such ideas from evaporating away by covering his/her head with what? Dhaka-Topi. I, for one, have worn Dhaka-Topi many times, for a different reason, treating it like any other head-gear, but then what do I know and who am I? The doppelgänger of Aadarsh Madhesi!
- Aa Aadarsh Madhesi always goes against the wave of what most of ordinary Madhesis seems to be in agreement with. This is also beneficial to earn more fan following, RTs/Fav’s on Twitter and Shares/Likes on Facebook. After all, appeasement and populist agenda sell, not truth!
- An Aadrash Madhesi rushes to change his surname to ‘Nepali’, if such trends catch up. After all, one has to keep up with the new fashion, no matter how hollow it is! Also, the surname change will save him/her from the shame of being reminded that he/she is a Madhesi (who still follow backward traditions like the dowry system), and might even save them from having the dark skin color.
- An Aadarsh Madheshi is one, who takes bath in Ganga-Jal after s/he accidently converses in Hindi, accidently. I wonder when we will amend the constitution so that Hindi is declared as an anti-national language. But the fact that Hindi soap operas are every household’s staple diet is a different story. Listening to Hindi is not as blasphemous as speaking it. Speaking: No! No! Listening: Yes, Yes! Maybe, people watch those operas with the only purpose of hating the language and there is no other intention behind, entertainment from an enemy language stands no chance at all.
- An Aadarsh Madhesi is first to laugh at derogatory pun and jokes made with reference to Dhoti or vegetable vendor or Khali Sishi-Botal (empty glass-bottle) waste collectors. Not being the first one to laugh at the punch line of such jokes can put your Aadarshness on risk. Adding one or two of your own derogatory pun, ridiculing Dhotis, Madhises, Marsyas, etc. can add a jewel to your Aadarsh Madhesi crown.
Will be back with more of Aadarsh Madhesi tips in next series, until then follow the given tips. Just in case, if you think you have some interesting points on Aadarsh Madheshi, drop me a mail at: email@example.com Or, alternatively tweet to @mukesh2006 with hash-tag: #AadarshMadheshi
Till then, Happy being Aadarsh Madhesi